Crypt Cryptofferson, the Crypto-Keeper: “How much does a toe bone from Einstein go for these days? Enough to start a black hole, probably? We pulled Napoleon’s Bones apart and sold them for the price of Louisiana. Traded the original ears off the Elephantman (from grandma’s trunk) for a gif of that kid fighting against no one with a lightsaber, but ended up losing the password to my wallet. Gotta get these things! Gotta get them before they fossilize – look at the Dinosaurs, nobody cares! Even gasoline doesn’t matter anymore, so forget crushing a body down to oil and diamonds. These Ethers will never stop growing, so invest in Spirit-currency or miss the ascension…”